Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
