how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
