I puked a lego.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
