need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
