How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
