i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
