I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She told me I should be a condom model.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
