where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
