i think my tv is drunk
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
