I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
