i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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