The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
