i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
