alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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