Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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