I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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