Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
