the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
