shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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