Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
