I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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