i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
