I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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