Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
