I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
