i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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