Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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