Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Randomize
