Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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