she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
