If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
