You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
honey bunches of taint.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
