Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
