i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
