Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
