We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
