i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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