dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
