my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
