This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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