i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
