I heard we made out
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
