break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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