I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
