we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
