i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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