Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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