I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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