I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
