I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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