I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am available for nakedness
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
