We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
