plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
