People in love make me want to vomit
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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