Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
