but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
