just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
