I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
